 |
| Common balls used in sports. Source: Wikimedia |
As a 15 year old boy, Drake found out that trying to figure out who are is hard. That doesn’t include going to class, playing in sports, and having a girlfriend. He thought only girls had this much trouble figuring out who they were. On top of all of this he just wants to be happy.
Drake was a straight A student, he played football during the fall and baseball during the spring. Though both sports teams, the teams acted different. The football team was a bunch of goofy guys always looking to have a good time, while the baseball team was a group of pretty boys but bad boys. Drake had a girlfriend who was on the volleyball team names, Claire. He was raised to treat women with respect and always made her feel beautiful.
One day Drake decided that he was going to act more like the football players. He goofed off, didn’t do his class work, and was being ornery as ever. He liked it, but the baseball team pushed him away. They did not approve of his new person. They told him to go “grow up” or they would make his baseball season a living nightmare. So the next day Drake acted more like the baseball team. The baseball team were a group of trouble makers. They cheated on tests, on their girlfriends and could’ve been considered bullies. Drake cheated on his test that day and helped the team bully an 8th grader. What he couldn’t do was cheat on Claire. The team tried to set up Drake by making girls flirt with him and having Claire walk in on it. Drake finally threw his hands in the air and quit both teams.
Now lost as ever Drake mended his relationship with Claire, got his grades back up, and had a lot of free time to figure out what to do next. He tried the band, but realized he couldn’t keep a beat to save his life. He gave theater a try but hated the thought of speaking in front of people. Finally he went to find some sport. He knew he was good at that. A basketball rolled and his foot while he sat in the gym contemplating where to go next. The basketball team was just showing up for practice. He picked up the ball, shot it and made it. The coach had him do it until he missed. He made 12 in a row. The coach asked him to join the team right on the spot. The basketball team turned out to be just what Drake was looking for. They did well in school but goofed off and respected their girlfriends and peers. The basketball team also helped stop the baseball team from bulling anymore kids.
By the end of the year Drake realized he found out who he was without even knowing he was doing it and found a group of people he wanted to be around that made him a good person. He was a positive example to others but most of all he was happy.
Author's Note: I used The Jay and the Peacock for the basis of my story. I twisted my story to the point of it being different from the fable yet still similar. The jay is unhappy with who he is and tries to find new identity. He goes from his own group to the peacocks, who notice he is not one of them and pluck his feathers away.While in the fable the jay was rejected from both groups, I liked the idea of this story ending nicely as opposed to the original. The positive ending gives hope to those that may be going through a situation similar to this one. This is a struggle many teens and young adults have to face daily. I wanted the setting to be in a high school because it is fits with the character being human. It also has a more modern setting. I chose the image of all the different sports balls' to give a visual of what was going to be taking place in the story. I don't know anyone who had this struggle but I'm positive someone could relate to this story. Allowing a story to be relatable gives the reader a better chance of connecting to the story.
Bibliography:
Book title: The Fables of Aesop
Author: Joseph Jacobs
Publication Date: 1884
Hi Michelle! What a good story! I mean, I feel bad for Drake trying to find his identity and getting it from neither baseball nor football. And I am surprised he had a girlfriend at fifteen! Your author's note was short and got the point across, but it makes me come to my own conclusion that the jay does not get a happy ending. But I would not know because I have not read the fable.
ReplyDeleteMy only criticism of your story would be to just do a general grammar check. Adding in words (like adding in 'we' between who and are in the first sentence), along with checking on commas and apostrophes and the like.
But good job overall!
That is such a happy little story. I want to say also it is refreshing to have a story work out nicely in the end. It seems like the stories that I read and wrote about did not have a nice ending. I liked the story and agree that a lot of people would be able to relate to what Drake was going through. My daughter who is 14 is going through a bit of this right now.
ReplyDeleteI want to agree with Lauren as well about the grammar check. I was a little confused in the first sentence. I do not know about commas or much else, I am horrible at punctuation rules. I enjoyed the story overall.
Hi Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI really liked that you turned this story telling assignment to a coming of age tale and even though we are all in college now, I find that it is still very relatable. It is also very fitting for the tales in Fables of Aesop have great morals to each story which I think you properly applied to your story. It was also really impressive that you recreated an original story from the Jay and the Peacock.
I would have to say that there were a few sentences that had some off word choices and typos. For example, I think the first sentence had one and you said that, “Drake had a girlfriend who was on the volleyball team names, Claire.” However it should have been “named”. Otherwise, I think you wrote a very good story with a nice message. Awesome job and keep up the great work!
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteInteresting take that you had on this story, interesting take indeed. The storytelling aspect of your writing is good but just a few format issues that I think if you were to change up would make this story ten times better. The font is good but perhaps a nice Helvetica would have spiced it up a bit. As for the font size I think that increasing it just a mere .5 would really up the aesthetic pleasure of your writing. I like the color scheme you have although it does remind me of some certain sports teams that I do not particularly like but that is okay it is very warm and inviting none the less. As for your graphics I like the picture but I think you could have found one that really adds to these story and gives it that little extra something.