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| Traditional Wedding bands. Wikimedia |
A couple years ago Cara was in the city during the evening hours. Absent-mindlessly she walked in front of a carriage, startling the small horses. The passenger jumped out to see what all the commotion was about. Cara's shy nature caused her to tuck her head away, apologize quickly, and run away. This was not before the passenger had a good look at the beautiful shy woman, who he became intrigued with quickly. He called for her to come back but she continued to run.
The game show takes center stage, Cara sits behind her curtain with the other contestants, and the music starts to play. The host calls for a man named Ian to join him, "Ian will be playing to find his true love" the host said. He will ask a variety of questions to the contestants. The contestant that answers the most questions to his liking will win. The twist is that this game will not be based off of looks. All the contestants will remain behind their own curtain until the winner is chosen or they are voted out. Cara has seen the other the 2 contestants, one is the most beautiful woman she has ever seen, while the other could use a few extra teeth and a bath. What Cara doesn't see is that she is easily just as beautiful as the other woman but she is not vain like that woman and she doesn't like to flaunt her beauty.
Ian has many questions to ask but in his mind only will matter the most. He plays along with the game waiting until the end to ask his question that in his mind will tell him which one to choose. About 5 questions in he realizes one of the girls is definitely not going to work. Ian yells "hold on, one of them already has to go!" Cara's stomach is in knots. She is trying to think what she could've possibly said wrong. Then Cara is flooded with relief when he calls the not so pretty woman out to leave. The game continues and it is a close one. Ian is having trouble choosing one but he still has his question but he just wants to be sure. Both woman are becoming increasingly nervous. Finally Ian is ready to ask his question. During the entire game Cara had answered everything as honestly as she could, the other pretty woman however would lie and say what Ian wanted to hear. So when Ian asked "would you help a man in need, no matter his state?" Cara answered "of course." The other woman did not even answer because she ended up getting so angry over the fact that he had not already picked her. She stormed off the stage leaving Cara alone. She stepped out from behind the curtain and when she did, both and Ian's jaw dropped. Cara immediately wanted to flee the stage as well. As part of the game, the winner is to wed the man right there in front of everyone.
The show took a break and everyone started to scramble to prepare for the wedding. Neither Ian or Cara could believe they were seeing each other again after their encounter a couple years ago. Everything happened so quickly, the wedding was over and they were being forced out the door to a honeymoon. The two spent the honeymoon getting to know the other better. Cara came out of her shell and not long after their arrival, Cara became pregnant. The couple went to Ian's home. Cara was shocked at the size of the home, it was bigger than both of her sister's homes. She was nervous for her new life but she was excited to have someone she didn't have to be shy around anymore. Their twins were born and that was more than enough for Cara to handle for the rest of her days.
This story is based off of the Bible story of Rebekah.
Rebekah is married to Isaac after a servant of Isaac's father is sent out in
search of a wife for him. Rebekah passed the test that was given to her. I
rewrote the story with a more modern twist on love. Today we watch a lot
of TV so I put my characters on game show. In the original story Rebekah and
Isaac do have children. I decide once I have finished the story if I am going
to the details the same or rewrite the entire story. Normally if I like a story
I like to keep a few details when I write. I made the story a different kind of
test for Cara, but it had a similar outcome as the original story. Using the
Bible stories for my stories interests me because I like to use the Bible in my
daily life. I chose the image of 2 simple wedding bands to use in my story because
to foreshadow my characters marriage. I also chose rings that were simple bands
rather than flashy diamonds because at the time the story takes place is a very
long time ago when such flashy jewelry was as common as it is today.
Bibiliography: The Bible, Genesis 26-27
I really enjoyed this story, it kept my attention the whole time. The way you made it more modern helped I think. I always wonder why the girls who's don't get married are prettier than all the others, and nicer. Maybe they are just too nice and like to shy behind all the others. Overall you did good, I did notice a few spelling mistakes and a few sentences that did not make sense. Also next time I think spacing the paragraphs out more will help with the reading of the story.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your modern twist to the original story and making the game more about how the individual girls would answer questions about their character instead of making it solely about looks and who could suck up the most. I have not heard of the original story but I now have an interest in following up with the story and learning more about it.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciated how you made this modern! You had very nice structure and I was able to follow your story very well. I kept my attention the whole time! I think that your plot was very interesting! It was refreshing to see that looks and other superficial characteristics were not the center of attention. Overall, I enjoyed your story. I really love Rebekah's story in the bible. However, I really enjoyed your story too! Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis was definitely an interesting take on the story of Rebekah, although I feel it is too different from the original story to be a retelling. Putting a story into a more modern setting is a very creative way to retell an older story and I have found that is what I like to do when retelling. However, while being an interesting read it deviated too much from the original plot. It was also a little difficult to read at points. When you detailed the two’s previous interaction it didn’t have a smooth transition in and out of it. It seems just randomly popped in there for the sake of a backstory. I would be a little more careful next time when retelling on making smooth transitions and stringing your thoughts along. There were several points throughout the story when it seemed as though you left words out or used a word that didn’t fit quite right. This was an interesting story but with a little better revising I think it could have flowed much better!
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle!
ReplyDeleteI like what you did here with the retelling of the story of Rebekah. It was fun and imaginative. The author's note was quite helpful in letting the reader know what perspective that you can taken on the plot twists. I agree with some of the other comments made that there are a few things that need attention. One example is when she stepped out from behind the curtain part, you state that both jaw dropped. That is confusing to the reader. And using breaks in paragraphs would help too. Otherwise this is a really fun story and I really enjoyed reading it!