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| A Baseball. Source |
"I can't."
"I WILL do this!" Tyler thinks as he continues to run. It's almost football season for the athlete. Competitiveness runs in Tyler's blood. His grandpa, dad, and brother, were all athletes and now Tyler is working to be great. He sprints, faster than anyone else on his team. Being last is never an option. That has been instilled in his head for as long as he can remember.
Tyler had a full scholarship to play baseball. He also had scholarships for football and basketball but baseball was his true love. He did the other sports to stay in shape but frankly, because he was good at them. He didn't have a girlfriend because she would take up training time. He did have an older brother Taylor who plays sports just as well. The two have spent their entire childhood competing against one another. Tyler and Taylor lived for the rush of winning.
When Tyler pulled into the drive way after practice, he sprinted inside after seeing his brothers car in the drive way. He stopped short once in the kitchen to see a beautiful girl standing next to Taylor. "Tyler! It's good to see you little bro! I'd like you to meet my best friend Bethany/" Taylor says to Tyler. Now Tyler has never been scared of girls. Girls love Tyler. Bethany had a different affect on Tyler than any other girl has ever had. "It's nice to meet you." Tyler finally managed to stutter out to her. The family and friend sat around the table discussing life and had drinks after in the living.
As Taylor and Bethany were leaving, Bethany slipped something into Tyler's hand. Too nervous to look at it until he got to his room; he slipped it into his pocket. In his room he saw it was a small folded piece of paper. He opened it to find Bethany's phone number and a note asking Tyler to text her. Trying to be cool Tyler waited for a good time to text her and deliberated what to say. He settled for a "Hey :)." Little did Tyler know that one message would be the start of more trouble than he could comprehend.
As time passed and football season changed into basketball season: Tyler and Bethany grew closer. Tyler still trained but always found time for her. The two were doing things that young love did. When basketball season turned to baseball season, Bethany's stomach grew until she couldn't keep the news from Tyler. Before one of Tyler's biggest games, Bethany showed him the pictures of their soon to be new born baby. Tyler in absolute shock ran away. He could only think of how he is moving away in a month for college. His parents were enraged. His mother said he would stay and take care of his child. His father said, he will go to college and play still. Finally Tyler decided for himself. He was going to college.
Jacob was born and Tyler couldn't be anymore proud of that bundle of baby. He knew he made the right decision to go to college and play. He knew Jacob would be fine. He now was playing for Jacob and his future rather than for himself anymore. As he holds Jacob, he knows, this is what winning really is.
Author's note: I was inspired to write this after the story The Crow and the Coling. In the Filipino Popular Tale the Crow becomes obsessed with winning. He challenges a smaller bird, the Coling, that he knows will not be physically able to keep up with him. The Coling tricks the into carrying objects as they race that will put the Crow at a disadvantage. I took the concept of the Crow's competitive spirit and put it into Tyler. Rather than Tyler losing his scholarship and losing, I allowed him to win but to learn a new type of winning.
Bibliography: Filipino Popular Tales by Dean S. Fansler (1921).
Hi Michelle!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful story! I am glad it had a positive ending. It is great that you used the obsession with winning at sports to the Crow's obsession with winning, it makes for a good analogy. How sweet that Tyler understands the joys of winning and making good choices for himself and for others. This is a powerful message to share. I did see a mechanical error in the third paragraph in the quote about Bethany being Taylor's friend. It seems like there is an Italicized letter L there or a back slash? Overall, what a great story!
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI was really surprised by the way your story turned out, which was definitely a cool thing. It's crazy how you were able to change the story so completely from the original one you drew inspiration from, and yet still keep to the same themes present in the original. I really enjoyed it, great job!
This was a great story! I enjoyed the plot, and you had really likeable characters! I thought it was really cool how you translated the myth into a modern setting.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, there are a few things that will make this story better.
I think the biggest thing is in structuring. You have seperated it into paragraphs which is the first step, the next step is stylizing between short paragraphs and long paragraphs.
Also, always have a paragraph on its on if it has one topic OR if if it dialogue. Even the texting should have its own paragraph.
Additionally, I found a few errors. I know Laura is always saying "read your work outloud!" But it seriously helps! I didn't actually start doing that until recently, and it has made my work a LOT stronger! I highly reccomend that you do it for at least one thing and see how much it helps. When you read out loud you can find all the typos and errors that your eyes miss.
Anyways, I liked your story a lot! If you want to, try some of the suggestions I gave! I hope they help.